years later

Twelve years ago when it all began, I never thought twelve years later everything will just collapse, a sad ending indeed. I had everything and the world at the palm of my hand. For every beginning there is an end. I never, not even once, anticipated a sad ending. It’s not only a sad ending but a lonely one. Alone and lonely to be precise, it’s unfortunate yet a factual reality. I had it all but I (think) let everything slip through my fingers. My confidence is at an all-time low (maybe I’m down and out.) you know sometimes when you feel like the whole world has turned its back against you, when you feel like everyone is against you, when every door is shut at your face? I’m currently at that phase. You know when you’re hurting and you even think the pain will never go away because instead of being better, it gets worse by every turn you make. I’ve been running the human race for the past 22 years and believe you me; the past three years has been hell with no return.

I still live in hope that I will rise again but for how long will I be down. I grew up in a healthy and happy environment, yes my dead (dad) was not there but the people I had around me were enough to give me the upbringing I needed. They were able to satisfy my childhood needs at the time and I was a happy chap, life was so good and so perfect. I knew I had a home, a family which loved and cared for me. I was a child who had no burden, no problems, no stress and no worries. My childhood was great, I enjoyed, I was always happy. My day was simple, wake up at any time (at least before noon) take a bath and go play outside with my friends, go back home when I’m hungry and then go back to the street and play with my friends. Usually we played nearer to home, so I would go home when it’s dark. At home they will shout at me but I knew they did that because they CARED and they LOVED me. That was family love, pure family love without conditions. I miss my childhood!

Post pre-school I went to one of the best primary schools in the township I grew in and that’s where everything began, just three years into my primary school days. I was 10 when I made my first move on a girl and guess what; she agreed to be my girl. The relationship lasted two and a half years and then followed a triangle relationship on my last year at primary school, it didn’t end well but I survived. I then went to high school.

The brand STAM 7 gained momentum and status, it became a household and so were my character and then my ego. I was a heavyweight and the world was revolving around me, I was calling the shots. I was BIG. High school came with its own challenges and obstacles but against whatever, I conquered and remained at the top throughout the five years I spent at secondary school. Besides being a heavyweight in class, I was a superstar on the soccer field. I was captain of the school soccer team and an essential member of the team, yes we never won anything major during my captaincy but on a personal level, it was a great achievement for me to be a leader. And I was also popular with the girls… yes I had more than one girlfriend. At one stage I had seven girlfriends from different schools and from the same school. But there were two who were special. I spent eight years combine with them and that was me at the very top, at my best.

On my last year at high school, that marked 12 years sitting behind the desk, I did something that left my name on everybody ’slips, I left a legacy that took five years to fade away surely but slowly. Everybody knows that there was an individual, once upon a time, by the name Samukele ‘Stam 7’ Manzini. I had a newsletter that exposed a lot that happened in the dark, which gave the voiceless a voice, which gave my peers and everybody something to talk about. Everyone was always looking so forward to the next edition and that to me, that was a big achievement and a job well done. Today when I meet my former school-mates on the street, they ask: “Stam, but how did you do it?” I just smile and change the subject. And then there was the matric dance, the traditional grade 12 event that is meant to bid an officially send off to the grade 12s. Our school decided to take us to some lounge just to take photos, eat and listen to speeches and then go back home. I don’t recall any after party! Oh before I forget, my final exam was nearly a disaster because the History question papers were swapped instead of writing paper one, we wrote paper two and vice-verse but the other subjects were a walk in the park.

To be continued…